All week, I was totally fine. Not worried. Keeping busy. Feeling strong. ALL WEEK LONG.
But there is something about going to the hospital the morning of surgery. The familiar drive before the sun is up. The familiar check-in procedure. Familiar faces. Familiar toys. Familiar pj’s. Familiar waiting room.
We’ve been there so many times before, it should get easier. But you know, by the time we see them wheel Stevie away into the OR, I only get that familiar pit in my stomach. With each familiar step closer to the actual surgery, my doubts and fears build and my confidence is stripped. Little by little.
The mind is a tricky beast. I don’t want to think about worst case scenarios! I fight them. But they still creep in when I least expect it.
As they tell us to give Stevie his last hugs and kisses, I hold back tears and steal as many extras as I can. Then they wheel our quiet, drunken little boy behind closed doors.
We distract ourselves with food and electronics, trying not to think about the details of what’s happening. And then before you know it, they call our name and tell us that everything’s ok. Sighs of relief. Then more waiting. Then mentally preparing yourself for the day ahead. And his new look.
Stevie has had this surgery before on his right eye, so I was much more prepared for what I saw this time around. It wasn’t as traumatizing. I knew he would be in arm restraints. I knew his eye would look a bit tortured. And I knew he’d be pissed off.
When it’s all said and done, Stevie is fine! The surgery went well. True to form, he woke up crying for “New CAAAARS.” We are now all at home in bed together, working on a long day of recuperating. Stevie unfortunately has such a hard time coming off the anesthesia. It’s a type of delirium that affects some people more than others. It’s been hours of crying and dozing off, crying and dozing off. And to top it off, we’re a little concerned about the amount of bleeding, so we’re waiting for a call back on that. But for now, he wants his daddy to hold him and I get to be the “runner”. But if it’s anything like last time, he’ll be back to his feisty self by morning.
We eventually have to do this surgery again, since his right eye didn’t take the way we hoped it would last year. (Praying that his left eye will be perfect.) So we’ll see when all that happens.
I’m sure I’ll be totally fine for that one. Super prepared and confident since we’ve done this before.
Until they wheel him away, of course.
Thank you, as always, for the kind happy good wonderful thoughts and prayers!