It’s been a helluva month, my friends.
There haven’t been many Stevie updates and that’s simply because each post would be a long list of complaints from me. And as much as we all have those moments with our kids, mine are all just running together at this point.
It reached a peak yesterday when Stevie’s preschool teacher pulled me aside and told me Stevie had a really bad day. She said it’s been progressively getting worse over this past month, but yesterday was just really bad. In some ways it’s expected, because they are pushing him more. But the kid officially lost his cool at school. Lots of resisting, spitting, screaming, throwing. Not really any redeeming moments that day. I couldn’t help but think “ah, yes. welcome to my life!” But of course I shook my head in frustration and told her I was in the process of coming up with some new ideas for Stevie because whatever this is, it isn’t working. For anyone.
I talked to Stevie about it in the car, as he sat and repeated “Let’s go mom!!” I don’t know how much he heard or understood. But I practically begged him to just behave.
Cue an hour later – we are sitting in the Target parking lot, he is screaming at me for God knows what, and I’m just looking in the rear view mirror thinking “I. Don’t. Know. What. To. Dooooooo.” My instinct was to just reach back and smack him one. But as I daydreamed about doing that, hot tears started to build up and I just drove us straight home.
No yelling. No asking how I could help him. No trying to solve the problem.
At a complete loss.
Most days we go to the park so he can let off some steam. But earlier in the week, he had such a meltdown leaving the playground that people probably definitely thought he was being abducted. And when we got back to the car, I said “WE ARE NOT COMING HERE THE REST OF THE WEEK!” And I meant it. When he asks multiple times I day, I remind him “We are not going to the park because of the screaming. And falling on the ground. And because you are not listening. Etc, etc.”
Since Stevie is really at the developmental level of a 2 year old, the tantrums are sort of expected. It’s not that I expect him to never be upset. But he’s almost 4. And he’s a giant. So not only do the tantrums seem really overly dramatic, but I also have a really hard time putting an end to it. I can’t reason with him. I can’t just pick him up and walk away. He’s so heavy. And he’s learned if he thrashes enough, I have to let go. Even working out 4 times a week has not prepared me for this! And I guess using a spray bottle on your child is generally frowned upon?
So.
That’s where we are at right now.
Trying to come up with a rewards system that he can use at home and school to earn his privileges.
I do have to say, that just as we were all about to lose our minds yesterday, he actually had a meltdown and took an extra long nap on the floor, mid tantrum. We needed that. To reset the day. And he woke up and worked on some ‘homework’ without any major issues (I bribed him with sprinkles.). But it was even sort of… fun? Haven’t had much of that with him lately. So I was grateful for the break. Let’s hope for more of that. Just little bits at a time to get us through these long days.
Man. I don’t have anything to say either. I have no clue what you experience on a day-to-day basis. But, I know Stevie is loved. And, Stevie knows he is loved. And, I hope that love can carry you and your husband through the rough days.
Sending hugs and prayers from GA!
i just want to give you a big squeeze!
My 3 1/2 yr old “stepson” is a challenge too. We haven’t been able to get him officially diagnosed with anything because his mom is in a lot of denial about it. But the tests they have done tell us he is socially and behaviorally behind. He is also big and strong and always looking for ways to escape, break stuff, or just what can he do to be difficult (I’m sure that’s not his thoughts, but that’s how it seems). Going anywhere is so much work. Doing anything is so much work. He is potty training now, but can’t communicate that he needs to go. My house is calmer then his house so sometimes it feels like we start to make progress, but then home he goes to a his exhausted mom who I think has given up in a lot of ways and then comes back to us 2 steps behind. I have never been more frustrated with a kid, but then feel so guilty for those feelings because his mentality is equal to my near 2 yr old. He just always seems to be in lala land. Anyways, we had a REALLY bad couple of weeks so maybe it is something in the air. I am praying that it gets easier for you. And easier for us. You seem to be a pretty amazing mom though!! I hope I can stay half as strong as you are. Thanks for sharing.
Just know that all your patience, struggles and tears will one day pay off. That has to be the fuel to keep you going. A nice Jamaican lady I met in the airport said something profound to me on a recent trip… basically , she was saying that sometimes people are too focused on looking for the big miracles, they miss the millions of small miracles going on around them. So, as hard as it is, try to focus on the good. Sooner or later it will get easier. Let us know if you ever need anything. Even if you just want to meet up for a Stevie-Thomas play date. 🙂
I can offer no advice. I simply have never been in your situation and find it hard to fathom what you’re really going through. The average parent does get breaks throughout the day. I wish there was a way for you to have more of them. I bet Mika would be happy to come visit for a long weekend. If anyone has the energy and ability to entertain Stevie all day long, it’s your brother. I’m not kidding. He’s like the child whisperer.